Log in

No account? Create an account

Oh, much meta

What to say, what to say....

  • This season's Doctor Who has been my favourite since season 5, possibly best New Who season ever? This hurts me, as I love Martha Jones so very much (you think you're no longer a fangirl, and then you see an audiobook starring Freema Ageyman and Andrew Scott and you lose your shit completely). I've loved it enough to really engage with the series, hunt down as much comment and meta as I can. The Verity podcast has been excellent for this, even when I disagree, and LJ has really stepped in on this too - just read this meta on Death in Heaven http://elisi.livejournal.com/878404.html and this bit on Clara here (my feels on Clara have truly transformed over three seasons). I think it helped keep me alive. If anyone reads this and knows where the good sh*t (meta) is, please link me!

  • I was living my life as normal - doing curating stuff on the side, going to all the cultural things I can find (theatre, art, performance, films, food), crisis rising up and up until I became dangerously suicidal and well... the NHS is now focussing on me to make sure I stay alive. It's meant three weeks sick leave, daily home visits and a possibility of mood stabilisers. I'm feeling a lot more saner now, but it seems in exchange for valuing my life more I'm only able to do a lot less, at home and at work. I'm trying to not let it make me feel defective. And I doubt my short term contract work will survive, even they are genuinely nice and supportive and a really nice (underpaid) place to work, letting me cut my hours and go home if I feel bad. And going back to temping means more money but I'm still not well and I don't know how that's going to pan out. Unless I go back to doing the festival for the BFI again, even though it has made me suicidal both years. It sounds stupid following that sentence but I do love it - it shows off so much of the best of me, and I get scared that if I don't do it I end up being left behind in my chosen career.

  • I'm still trying to write every day.


I'm not even going to try and fit in my current life in one post.

I want to talk about the Nine Worlds Geekfest again this year. (www.nineworlds.co.uk) I was there weekend just gone, bought hotel tickets and everything. It's been one of the best weekends ever. I love it because I get to squee and debate and think and hear new ideas and learn stuff. I got to make a TARDIS felt badge and there's Eleventy Doctor stickers all over my stuff. I went to a panel about positive portrayals of mental health with a panel of intelligent, funny people who all have mental health problems and we talked about what we wanted to see and good and bad portrayals and doing comedy and at the end the packed out room whooped and cheered and even though I was just an audience member who whooped with everyone else I had to run off to the bathrooms, cry, and call Tom to tell him I'm back in the world with him and that I wish he was there to hold me.

Then I went back and went to a fanvid screening.More adulting...Collapse )

Taking the 10/20 Squee Challenge

Because why not? I want to do more writing. This seems nice, and I have lots of time to do it in....

I pledge to complete the squee_challenge by 14 September 2013!

Your mission:
Share your squee and create LJ/DW posts for at least 10 out of the following 20 prompts.

Original challenge post.


  1. Sign up in the comments.

  2. Join this comm.

  3. Post your pledge on your LJ/DW.

  4. Over the next 5 months, post for at least 10 of the 20 prompts, in any and all fandoms.

  5. Tag your posts "squee-challenge".

  6. When you've completed the challenge, link us to your "squee-challenge" LJ/DW tag, claim a victory banner, and rejoice in your awesomeness.

The prompts

  1. Picspam: OTP

  2. Picspam: favorite favorite body part (e.g., Tom Hardy's shoulders), piece of clothing (e.g, Arthur's white shirt of sex) or characteristic gesture (e.g., Tyler Hoechlin blushing).

  3. Analysis: why a certain cast member/character is like an animal or creature, with rigorous proof

  4. Analysis: why someone you adore (actor, actress, director, writer, artist, etc.) is a Perfect Human Being.

  5. Top 5 Favorites: Hottie McHotties, with images, gifs, or video evidence

  6. Top 5 Favorites: Best Baddies, with images, gifs, or video evidence

  7. Deep Thoughts: 3 things you learned from fandom

  8. Deep Thoughts: Fandom trope or kink you love and why

  9. Primer: Welcome to the -x- Fandom: A Guide for Newbies

  10. Primer: Everything You Wanted to Know about -x- (someone you adore: actor, actress, director, writer, artist, etc.)

  11. PSA: pimp a comm, challenge, or awesome journal

  12. PSA: share a cast video or interview clip & squee

  13. PSA: 3 fanart, fanfic, and/or fanvids that recently made you squee

  14. PSA: why your f-list should get excited about an upcoming TV series or movie

  15. Ask Your F-list: their opinion of something in canon

  16. Ask Your F-list: their recs for a certain kink or trope

  17. Episode Watch: wax indignant or flail shamelessly about an aspect of the episode

  18. Episode Watch: re-cap with images/reaction gifs

  19. Create Something New: write a drabble or draw a drawble

  20. Create Something New: create a playlist of 5-10 songs for a fandom, OTP, character, or theme. Bonus for including cover art, embedded YouTube videos/playlist, and/or important lyrics.

*Tumbleweed in the fence*

Hello, out there

I haven't been on here for so long I've forgotten how to properly interact with people on LJ. I've forgotten how to fangirl :( 

I do read though. I'm loving the Avengers Assemble fanfic, for the hotness, the snark, the bromance and potential angst (the salt and pepper of all my fandoms) but also for the ethical non-monogamy and radical feminist consensual approach to sex. I don't know why I've found so many (amazeballs) polyamorous avengers assemble fic (I'm all over Tony/Bruce/Pepper) and so many fics with a really healthy sex-positive, consent awesome filled sex scenes. Is that because of how they assembled, kicked arse and respected each other by the end of the film? Do the ethics and politics of the creators of the films we love bleed in to the fandom? Questions, questions. 

Also, I am extremely attracted to Mark Ruffalo. I could, and would, for hours on end. You needed to know this, obviously. 

Oh, and I turned 24 a couple of weeks ago. My birthday was awesome. It was the only just dry day during the jubilee, and I had my best friend, my long term partner and girlfriend in the same place. It's beyond epic. I was so happy, I just felt completely joined up. I treasure that day and hope to repeat it in the future.

I'm also doing weekly group therapy, which is interesting and surreal. I'm also at my new job, organising a massive community festival for the Olympics and it's taken up my life even more than my old job. This is my summer all tied up...

Miss you all so much. Miss my online world so much. It makes me worry. I worry that when my job finishes (it's a six month contract, thanks goodness. Get a part time job next time for the love of Tardis, please??) and I come back to fandom, it won't be there, and neither will the friends I've made in this wonderland. I'm being paranoid, but I think I'm also just sad I'm not instinctual on Lj anymore.

**sign off**

The European SOPA, and worse!

Originally posted by cantarina1 at post
Originally posted by electricdruid at The fiasco continues

ACTA in a Nutshell –

What is ACTA?  ACTA is the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. A new intellectual property enforcement treaty being negotiated by the United States, the European Community, Switzerland, and Japan, with Australia, the Republic of Korea, New Zealand, Mexico, Jordan, Morocco, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada recently announcing that they will join in as well.

Why should you care about ACTA? Initial reports indicate that the treaty will have a very broad scope and will involve new tools targeting “Internet distribution and information technology.”

What is the goal of ACTA? Reportedly the goal is to create new legal standards of intellectual property enforcement, as well as increased international cooperation, an example of which would be an increase in information sharing between signatory countries’ law enforcement agencies.

Essential ACTA Resources

  • Read more about ACTA here: ACTA Fact Sheet
  • Read the authentic version of the ACTA text as of 15 April 2011, as finalized by participating countries here: ACTA Finalized Text
  • Follow the history of the treaty’s formation here: ACTA history
  • Read letters from U.S. Senator Ron Wyden wherein he challenges the constitutionality of ACTA: Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Read the Administration’s Response to Wyden’s First Letter here: Response
  • Watch a short informative video on ACTA: ACTA Video
  • Watch a lulzy video on ACTA: Lulzy Video

Say NO to ACTA. It is essential to spread awareness and get the word out on ACTA.

Via Tumblr

This entry was also posted at http://cantarina.dreamwidth.org/131889.html. (comments: comment count unavailable)


I am posting this from my Dad's house. I'm going through my second bout of mice in my rented room and despite all the poison and the traps they aren't going away. I'm going mad with worry, so much that having to go towards my place has me crying, gulping and fighting off panic attacks. It's making me so anxious I can't go near the place. Sunday night me and Tom went back to scope out for mice and I burst into sobs because I was so anxious it was PAINFUL and he sent me back to his room. I only rent a room in a house, where mice haven't been spotted anywhere else. I've been staying on and off at Toms but I've not been coping and he's been having to deal with a very soggy, anxious, over-exhausted, anxious to the point of incapacity self.

The poison and traps from my landlords aren't working, so I'm calling in the exterminators tomorrow to do something, even though I can't really afford it. It's almost been a week without a full nights sleep and I just want to go home. MY home, with my laptop and poly podcasts and privacy and warm bed and my food. So yeah, mentally I'm in an awful place at the moment, and if you're wondering how I am, that's how it is at the moment.

The Everything Except OpenCon Post

Aha! I'm among the living. It's been really bad actually, even my Dad rang me to check I was okay - twice! I worry that my family think I give more of a shit about my work than I do my family. And I love my job a huge amount, but I never want to let down my family and friends... hmph. I probably need to rework things, but that's another day. And OpenCon was amazing and a bit revolutionary for me, but that's another lj post.

One thing that's really changed for me is that I've found myself more assertive than usual, but at the same time I'm getting more harassment and general public shittery - this is down to three incidents that all happened over 2 weeks:

Firstly, was going on a walk to the forest on the edge of London with Tom, and on the bus towards the end of the journey these girls (well, they were around my age, and possibly a bit younger)  who were chucking chips at this sleeping guy and some of them hit me. I glared at them, they threw more chips. I then told them to fuck off. They said "I wasn't funny" (eh?), and when we got off I called them stupid bitches and gave them the finger, and as the bus left they emptied out all of the chips from the window onto me, Tom and other people getting off. I swear to God, I was so close to starting a physical fight, grabbing their heads and smashing it against the glass. Tom was there to calm me down (eventually) and we went on a great walk but I was so so so so so sooooooo very fucked off about it. Hopefully if I ever run into them again (and I wish not to!) I hope I'm drunk...

And then, a couple of days later I was buying a pair of half price trainers, where the shop guy helped me find the right size. He asked me if I was buying those and I was like 'yeah' and went to go to the checkout when he went 'I like you', like leering me, and staring, kissing his lips. I told him that he was being creepy and highly inappropriate and he did it like two more times. I felt sick to my stomach, really harassed and a bit freaked. I went to the checkout and complained to the manager that one of his employees was a total creep and instead of asking for further details or apologising he tried to sell me the shop catalogue! WHAT. And so I was twittering in a rage which got the shop's attention and I've now made a formal complaint. Only thing is that their procedure is private so I won't ever know what happened to the guy, if there's retraining, or if they do fuck all. But I'm glad I said something.

The last creepy harassment/intrusion thing was last saturday. Even though I've got the shittiest cold at the moment, me and Tom made it out to the Battersea Arts Centre for this festival of the dead event (actually, on the way there, this guy kept trying to kiss me at the bus stop. It was very satisfying saying no over and over again, as he wailed 'it's only human, darling!' in a northern irish accent). The event wasn't actually that great - the only schedule with times and rooms set out was at the cloakroom, and then one we queued up for started over 15 minutes late with hipsters crushing us and trying to get in ahead of us, and the play wasn't great - it was one of those performance play things where they SHOUT FOR EFFECT and then when they're being emotional they SHOUT SOME MORE - no light/dark or build up of tension, so boooo. I really liked the performance artists in the next room, because it was drop in (which is sensible when everyone is feeling very whimsical and determinedly getting drunk) and they were bonkers. Anyhow - what happened was that at the bar I was chatting to Tom when someone stroked my arm and wrist, I whipped my head round to see this guy sort of looking and smiling at me. I gave him my best deathstare, and then looked back at the same, smiling - at least the guy standing next to him looked embarrassed.

But frankly, I'm sick of it. I should have given him a piece of mind, told him the radical feminist doctrine on consent, rape and harassment. I should have told that is not the way to approach women. I should have told he was a creepy fucker, that he should fuck off and that I'm get the manager to kick him out of the event. But I just turned round and ordered cider.

I don't know if I'm a magnet for creepy stupid twattish fucks at the moment, or if I'm not taking it anymore and I'm so angry and upset - really upset - that my body and my personal space is constantly being invaded by people who thinks it's appropriate, nay! attractive, that I'm really worth that kind of treatment. Along with the mice problem I had a month ago (mice running around in your room when you have nowhere else to go is another personal trauma and invasion of a safe space. I've only regained it properly in the last week or so), I do feel like I'm under attack. Which is probably part of why I'm joining the East London Fawcett society and re-utilising that feminist rage again for protests and actions, because otherwise, I'd go under in an avalanche of self hate, self marginalisation and pure self destruction. I used to. It used to make me cut myself, and starve, and make me throw up food. BUT NOT THIS TIME. I refuse to be the victim. I refuse to be subject to this society of harassment and rape culture for one - more - second. 

I'm going to end the post here, even though that's like one small part of a mental month. There's good things to catch up on, I promise!

Life! Love Life! Work Life!

*waves frantically* 

Hello, hello! 

My life has been a bit mental, in a really good way. Got to meet sarkywoman for the first time ever. We've known each other for 5 years, so it didn't even feel like a momentous occasion, just a good overdue natter with an old friend.

Weekend just gone was the book fair at the Gallery, where I was helping on events, which was super busy - Saturday was the worst with 4 back to back events, each with 15 minutes for turnaround - to tidy up the chairs, set up the next presentation (on macs - EVIL PRETTY MACS. They're like the Mean Girls of the technological world), greet the speakers (learning their names lol), ensure with the AV assistant that their mics are working and any extra special bits like doing introductions. And I hadn't eaten for most of the day (like 4 pieces of toast at 10am and nothing until 6pm when I had an apple). Sounds horrible, but! I did it, and I did it well and didn't snap at anybody and it was pretty extreme. It's just another way of asserting my awesomeness and my ability, surely to be helpful when I have to apply for new jobs in the new year.

Working a seven day week has left me pretty exhausted though and although Monday afternoon was really quiet I still had a maths test in the morning at college for my apprenticeship and my brain is fried. I'm taking Friday off because its a quiet day and I like long weekends, but god I'm just getting slower and slower! So early night tonight. Well, I say to myself a lot, but I go to do one little thing or check out something and suddenly its fracking 1am in the morning and I can't get out of bed.

The other awesome thing is that I'm going on a date on Friday, ohh yeah. It's another okcupid coup - lots of poly people hang out in okcupid for some reason. Anyway, she's really sweet, genderqueer, smart and works in a west end theatre as a techie. She came to my account, despite my awful okcupid name and we hit it off, so we're having tea on Friday.

There's also another prospect in my life called Ed who I met at polyday at the tantra workshop, who has this very warming, sensuous sexy quality to him, and he seems to like me! People finding me attractive will never stop feeling weird. We managed to have a chat on facebook where he said he's hoping to bring a teepee to OpenCon in the Dorset mansion retreat and create chilled party space/love nest :D

AND, there's this woman I met at Polyday called Melissa, and we're chatting happily. She's really nice, lovely long hair and awkward in a really sweet way. I don't know if anything will come of it but its nice to be chatting. I'm generally just very sociable at the moment, I think its my emotional cycle - I crash in October/November but around now I have this autumnal shine and energy and will to really make things even and meet people an do projects.

I do need sleep though. I want to do some more writing for Iniva - I've had a fantastic chat with the Margareta Kern (the artist) but just no time to properly engage with it. And then I don't even know if my interview techniques is any good anyway! I can't do that Guardian stylee, mixing narrative and quotes so beautifully, humph.

Anyhow, I'm away now, knackered. Will shower and continue to listen to Slashcast.....

Read about my very english weekend...Collapse )
And I came home, and bought more beans for work lunches next week. Seeing the bank tomorrow, but with team meetings and college I might call and see if I can push it back a couple of hours just to have some breathing room. I will say that from my nightmarish experience with the bank true friends popped up, and I know I wasn't in the situation I was in at college, where I went into a downward spiral with not even a hope of a comforting cup of tea. Well, that's me.

Ooh - does anyone know how to save texts on an iphone 3G? Seriously, it will save me a lot of money and I'll love you forever for FINALLY - I've caved in to pressure and got a tumblr - tbirdflieshigh.tumblr.com. Add me, give me tumblr nerd tips, recommend tumblrs if you know any nice ones etc.



Latest Month

February 2015



RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow